


This Must Be Heartbreak

by AzhaLambrin



Series: If You Can Save Me (Star Wars: Reylo Series) [1]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Last Jedi
Genre: Angst, Emperor Kylo Ren, Eventual Kylo Ren/Rey, F/M, First Order, Kylo Ren Redemption, Pining, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, REYLO FTW, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Spoilers, The Force, The Force Ships It, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, awkward stormtroopers, dark side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 20:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13061733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzhaLambrin/pseuds/AzhaLambrin
Summary: He could ignore her easily, he thought. But then she appeared before him, their connection stronger.She was more than just a voice now. How could he turn away?******(Post-TLJ so spoilers ahead!)





	This Must Be Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> I have saved up a lot of songs for my reylo playlist on Spotify (which is still private at the moment), most of them are like ballads from Ben to Rey.  
> "This Is Heartbreak" by Keywest has these lyrics for one:  
>   
> "I ask the same old questions everyday/Where did I go wrong?/Was there something I could say?  
> Did you ever love me?/Or was I just a passing phase?  
> Seems like I was making plans while you made your great escape..."

It’s difficult to look at someone dead, or dying, but it’s increasingly harder if it’s someone you know, someone you love.

Ben Solo didn’t care much for his father, but he did love him. Killing him might’ve been the hardest thing he ever had to do and accepting what drove him to do it should damn him in the Dark Side forever. And yet there was no room for regret, for there was only conflict. It’s the core of everything he had decided upon that led to the Supreme Leader’s death—and now his own failure to obliterate what was left of the Resistance.

Perhaps Snoke had been right all along. Maybe he was only a man in a mask. A _child_ , the deceased Sith had said. He was nothing compared to his predecessor. But even this realization, this admission of his insecurities cannot compare to what was really bothering him.

_Join me. Please._

He pleaded. But he was still denied, rejected.

Kylo Ren tried to convince himself that it was a moment of weakness, a slip of what he thought he wanted. Now all he can think about is how to remove any remnant of that memory, including the girl.

But it was hard to go on as if nothing has changed when on the contrary nothing will ever be the same.

“Supreme Leader,” General Hux calls back his attention, looking stern and annoyed. “What will be our plan of action?”

They had been staring out into the Hosco system before Kylo had lost himself in his thoughts. Hux believes that a small Rebel base was there after sufficient information was delivered by a bounty hunter having tracked one leaving the Outer Rim. Kylo searched his feelings for anything that resembles a tap, a small vibrating pulse in the Force.

“Land us on the nearest habitable planet,” he commanded. “I’ll take it from there.” Then he immediately turned to leave the command center, leaving Hux to his own devices.

The hallway was empty as he headed towards his quarters, almost every stormtrooper avoiding the new Supreme Leader. Kylo hardly noticed though, too distracted by the beating energy that quickly began to knock on his skull when he reached out to the Force. Soon enough came the voice he had anticipated would eventually turn up but soft-spoken as she was, it still caught him off guard just the same.

“Ben.”

It sounded as real and as close as any physical human being on the ship. Kylo breathed heavily and turned her away from his mind.

“Leave,” he commanded just as he commanded Hux earlier.

"Ben,” she said. “Please…”

Kylo scoffs at this. Now she begged just as he did. He could ignore her easily, he thought. But then she appeared before him, their connection stronger. She was more than just a voice now. How could he turn away?

“Ben—”

“Stop calling me that!” He snaps. “Ben Solo is dead, just like his father.”

With that, the girl falters a bit. But then her eyes changed, and they looked more vibrant. She became fiercer with her defiance.

“We need to talk,” she said, calm with resolve.

Kylo matched that with his pride and arrogance. “Alright,” he replied. “We can do that personally seeing as how you’re projecting this greatly to me. You feel I’m close to where your traitors are hiding, don’t you?”

She didn’t, judging by that surprised look on her face.

“Ah,” he mused. “Well then…”

Rey disappeared just as he predicted, probably to warn off the others. It was confirmation enough that they were indeed in the same system.

Kylo moved quickly. He boarded his shuttle alone with several AALs flanking him. Hux stayed behind, as instructed, in the Finalizer. He believed he was there to watch over any ships leaving the system but in truth, Kylo simply didn’t want him interfering with his business.

He had matters to settle after all.

When he landed, there was an inaudible pause to his surroundings. He had succeeded in tapping into Rey’s consciousness. It was a stretch, to see everything she could see, but he now knows where they are.

Amid the abundant greenery, there was an underground base hoarding T-70 X-wings and U-55 loadlifters but not much else. It seemed that the Resistance truly took a hard blow after their last encounter. Kylo smiled. It would be easy.

He made her aware of his presence then.

_You can’t save them all, Rey._

He felt her stagger back then he hears her voice, distant and echoing.

“They’re here! We have to get everybody out!”

_Your efforts are a waste. Don’t you think I have this planet surrounded?_

She ignored him. “Someone get Poe!”

“Where are you going?” It was the traitor, FN-2187, yelling after her.

 _Yes, Rey,_ he asks, taunting. _Where are you going?_

“I’m going to you,” she whispered.

For the briefest of moments, Kylo felt something resembling to hope pump blood in his seemingly cold heart. Was today the day she abandons them and joins him instead? Had she finally realized that her place was with him and not against him? That lingering hope would undo him but then it was instantly squashed when she said;

“I can’t have you eavesdropping on our battle plans.”

To this, he laughed, loud and bitter. He was foolish to even entertain the idea. Stormtroopers who have now stood in line behind him turned a bit, he sensed, but they were subtle. They were always subtle with their emotions. Wearing a mask, an armor, can do that to a person—even a stormtrooper. Kylo gave the order for them to scour the perimeter. The Resistance was close. He knows it. He could feel her nearby, running towards him.

_Do you really think there would be a battle?_

It was more of a derision than a challenge and yet his tone made no difference to Rey. With determination, she fired back.

“Where there’s hope, there is light. And the Resistance has more of it than you would ever understand.”

That was bound to hit a nerve. But at the very least he knew he pissed her off.

_Come show me what your hope can do then, if you ever get that far._

Kylo Ren took off then, heading for her too. He had to put a stop to this. There was uncertainty to their immediate future; whether he would kill her or imprison her, whether she would kill him or evade him, whether they would finally come together…in light or in dark, Kylo couldn’t comprehend. With the wind against his face, he didn’t want to think about it yet. He had to see her first. There was that pull in the distance between them and he knew that she felt the same.

She had to see him too. For what, he didn’t know. He couldn’t hope for anything more, not after what happened last time. And just like that, he remembered.

 _Your lightsaber_ , he said. _Skywalker’s lightsaber—it’s destroyed._

Rey didn’t reply but he didn’t think it was because she couldn’t hear him.

_How are you going to face me?_

“Whoever said I would?” She suddenly asked.

Kylo halts from his run. The pull was gone. She had evaded him again. How did she do that? He turned his head back from where he came and almost laughed.

 _Of course,_ he thought. _Clever girl._

“I do want to talk to you,” she says, her voice faint now. “But not when there are other lives at risk.”

_Will you risk only your own then?_

Without hesitation, she replies. “If it comes down to it, yes.”

There was a pause and he didn’t dare fill the gap.

“I still want to save you, Ben.”

Kylo heaved another of his heavy sighs. He began walking back to where he left his shuttle.

_There’s no one left to save, Rey. Accept that. Accept that and you will be free._

“Free from what?”

 _Free,_ he thought idly. _Free from what’s keeping you…from what you must do._

There was another pause and Kylo was suddenly afraid that Rey had finally realized what he meant. She did, as the energy began to shift, but Kylo only felt her more hopeful than ever.

“I’m not giving up on you,” she said, her heart full of promise. “I will come to you, Ben, and you will find your way back to the light.”

He was only a few yards away from his shuttle now, their connection clearer and stronger. If he focused hard, he could almost see her, going about the controls, figuring out which buttons to press or which levers to pull.

_You sound so sure of yourself. One can mistake your optimism for arrogance._

A sound he hadn’t heard echoed in his thoughts, her laugh.

 _I did see your future, didn’t I?_ She reminded him.

He nodded though she couldn’t see him. Or could she? It seemed as if they are staring at each other now, searching for those gazes that would keep them both up at night. There was another pause, a long one this time, and Kylo was sure she had found him looking up at her.

 _You saw mine just as I saw yours,_ he thought out to her. _Only one of us can be saved. You know this to be true._

Rey remained inside his mind that he could feel her standing just inches from him. In the softest of whispers, she replied.

_There’s no one to set the restrictions but us._

Fierce winds whipped at the lush trees, but he stood firmly on his ground. Kylo Ren’s command shuttle began its ascent then and within seconds he felt the loss of connection as it jumped to lightspeed, probably untraceable given the girl’s skills at mechanics. But he made no move to stop her. He didn’t even feel the need to come after her. She would return. She promised. There was no doubt she would come through with it.

“SUPREME LEADER!” Hux bursts out in the intercom. “WHAT HAPPENED DOWN THERE? THE REBELS—”

Hux never finished the end of that sentence. What came through was only a gurgling noise as the general choked.

“Send your shuttle to me,” was his only response before sitting on one of the fallen tree trunks and turning off his intercom.

For the first time, Kylo let his head fall onto his hands, blacking out his vision entirely. He needed to think.

What was he doing? He knew he had to kill the girl, but he can’t truly pinpoint the exact reason why save that she wouldn’t join him.

 _She’s dangerous_ , he reminded himself. _If she’s had more training, she wouldn’t need to toy with you._

Was that what she was doing though? He couldn’t tell. With her, he could never tell. Was there something clouding his judgment?

 _No_ , he decided. _It’s either her or me. She made her choice. Now I must make mine._ But then again, didn’t he already do that? When he set the attack on Crait, wasn’t that a decision made in all its forms?

Another voice popped in his subconscious, answering him.

 _Decisions take in different shapes,_ it said, _what you did was not one of them._

“Then what was it?” He asked aloud, frustrated.

 _Pain_ , it replied.

The voice had died out, leaving him without any clear answers, only more questions. Where it came from, he didn't know. Kylo looked up and saw that he was now surrounded by stormtroopers. Sensing curiosity under those white hardened masks, Kylo suddenly felt exposed without his. It was a good thing not everyone has the Force, or can read minds for that matter, unlike him. But he knew that the stormtroopers didn't need the Force or telepathy to take a guess at what was going through his mind, his face being a dead giveaway. He cleared his throat and stood up, thankfully just as Hux's shuttle came. When he returned to his quarters that day, he laid down on his cot and closed his eyes, focusing on every inch of his reach within the galaxy and ignoring everything else...everything but her.

It was a vast universe occupied with millions of species. But it didn’t take long for him to sense her presence. She was reaching out to him too, even if she doesn’t realize it. They were sharing something no other being across the galaxy did. It was a bond that still needed to be decided on. Snoke might’ve been the one that bridged them together, but it was up to them whether they would severe the tie or strengthen it.

For now, Kylo settled with her being in the back of his mind, just within reach. Neither of them were complaining after all. And anyways, as one scavenger did put it, there was no one to set the restrictions…

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Someone tell me when my heart stops breaking..." -probably Ben. 
> 
> I made up the Hosco system because I honestly don't recall every system there is on Star Wars. (Hardcore fans, please don't hate me!)  
> You might see more made-up names of systems (most especially) because Wookieepedia won't always answer every question I have (not unless someone gives me a Star Wars encyclopedia). I really hope you liked the second part of my Reylo series! Also, if you have questions, just comment down below!


End file.
